Losing sovereignity

When you yearn so desperately for others to see you in a good light,
Nothing more important than the approval and faultless recpetion others might have of you.
It is time to start asking question.
When always trying to convey a good image, a happy life, a successful home, a grand bank account, a myriad of friends and associates, a super hectic schedule, and being hellbent on letting everybody know just how well you master this thing called life, you might not have so much mastery after all.
Always reminding others of how much you have accumulated, exhibiting your possesions and wealth like a trophy child to gather the applause from those you encounter.
Their supposed admiration, respect and awe being the sole reason or existing.
Always keeping a so called perfect facade, never letting anyone see past the rigidly constructed exterior you devote all your time and energy to manage.
Never doing, saying or acting in ways that you think might garner dissaproval, that goes slightly outside of the invisible prison of normality, standards and appropriateness.
Never daring to loosen up, because some might talk the next day,
Never daring to wear a flamboyant piece of clothing, due to the fear of being seen as over the top,
Never saying anything shocking, because others might react,
Never doing anything unexpected, that would drive you into a frenzied scare of the unknown and the unknown you like to keep at bay,
Never going off the heavily trodden path, scared that others might leave you,
Never allowing anyone a glimmer of your true emotions, that would sacrifice others well established and fixed opinion of you.

Those that whimpishly mold themselves, create themselves, build themselves, to please the eyes of the onlooker and associates. Those that sheepishly follow unspoken rules of behavior and thought, terrified of slightly showing any independent or creative aspects.
The perception of others being more important than their own happines, the happines they can contribute to others, the memories and moments spent with loved ones, such is not important unless it can be shared and admired by some. The realness of life shut down, a pathetic book or ideals of superiority, deciding their every step.
Scares of following own joy, what truly elevates them, what they really want, scared of living, scared of dying, scared of anything that goes beyond, their mind being like a narrowly defined street where they can never take unexpexted turns.
If a picture perfect state of life, written by the societal underlying expectations others strive for is seen as the golden rule, the indisputable truth, the only thing you deem correct.
You might want to reconsider, to eveluate if it really is so great after all.
A prison comes in many forms, and being a slave to the approval, good thoughts and words, and thumbs up of others is the only thing you allow yourself to exentuate and propogate in your life.
You might want to start searching for a key.

    Make your own truth come true

We all have dreams, wishes, hopes and aspirations in varying degrees and how they might look like.
When speaking of dreams,
Societal rules has indoctrinated us to believe they must revolve around career, financial matters, success, climbing the corporate ladder. If one cares little of such things, others might believe one is devoid and lacking in dreams and ambitions, nothing the individual wants to manifest into reality,
No true desires beating within their hearts.
Such is not the case, we all have an inner mind, where certain things are highlighted and shine brighter than others. Some are always at the front row in a theater, making them extra apparent and distinguishable. Seeing the clear outline, wanting to touch the luminous hopes that we hope to materiallize. Feel with all senses, expereince, know, see and touch.
We can have 10 most glowing wishes, not defined by an order of how much we want them to come true. While for others, there is one yearning hope, one or two specific goals their inner being cant seem to ignore.
The dreams that are too beautiful to be denied, that which our focus always reverts back to, teasing and tantalizing us with its grand appeal and charisma. A light so bright, it is even found in the pitch black woods late at night, its glow always luring us to chase it.
No one should be denied their right to chase their dreams, whether they take the form of a person, a desire for a partner, a desire for a best friend, a desire for harmony and love, a desire for talent, a desire for the perfect house, a desire to unwind and relax, a desire to eat good food, a desire to innovate, a desire to be ones authentic self, a desire to travel.
Unless of course it involves inflicting pain and hurting others, that goes without saying. A therapist is then in order.
The hopes are never defineable or easily explained by rationality and logic, or something that should be dismayed as mere trivialities.
What we long for, is always important, always something to recognize and engage with. That would kill our drive, our reason to live, and is much like senpoku, because without it, we strive for nothing, work for nothing, persevere for nothing, fight for nothing. without the glowing lights within, we become a dark alleyway where only drunkards go to piss. Our soul knows what it truly wants, and the soul makes those things dance gracefully in our mind, as if part of a grand ballett. Do not let others tell you how your hopes should look like, what actions to take, and be dictates by what others see as appropriate for you.
Our wishes can sometimes be stability, longevity, as I said earlier, it can also be states of mind, unions where something specific comes to fruition.
The dreams on the front row, are always in fluctuation and constant movement, changing seasonly and perhaps eclipsed by a new beaming thought in moments of reallization of what we truly want.
We can regulate and modify our wishes, see the reality of our lives, and what is within our reach as possibilities to occur, striving and longing for the impossible we subconsciously know is lightyears beyond our reach, can be seen as foolish. Perhaps when dreaming of the impossible, it is a safe haven, an excuse to go not after what is actually possible. Because the courage may be lacking,
Or the the hopes simply are not burning bright enough,
The dreams something we can easily contain due to the flames lacking in intnsity. A small match, instead of a grand fire.
It is the intensity of the wishes that dictate our moves, how we walk and where. Is it strong enough, the inner willpower will easily get there
Some are easier to obtain, others require more effort, but nonetheless, equally valid. Sometimes they are not realistic or meant to happen, then it is wise to shift our focus elsewhere.
Nor are they always how we imagined, thus one must remember to be flexible, not too rigid and stern in the fixed expectations, to sometimes be vague of how we see things. And to accept them as they come, and still be grateful and appreciative that we were surprised or swept into different states and moments.

    Intimacy is Divine

Daring to be close to those special in your life,
Not taking their presence and unique light for granted.
Those who see others as mere instruments of temporary gratification, whether it be through amusement, reckless fun, pleasure, laughter, support, an unfulfilled need. To have others be an active part of their life only when satisfying shallow needs and wants.
Readily to be cast aside and forgotten when the individual no longer serves them the food they selfishly craved.
Such people are superficial, they do not see the value and glowing beauty of promises, longevity, commitment, lasting resolutions, unbreakable bonds and graceful acceptance of others.
Their faces turn scornful, judgemental and haughty by the first sign of essential truth in others,
Sadness being a state they resist in others, the first presence of gloom and insecurity makes them pack their bags and run, a single mistake enough to justify withdrawal, grumpiness and frustration not something they ever want to understand the reason for in others.
Once the shallow souls see such traits in friends, lovers, aquaintances, confidants or whatever it may be, they deem themselves far above such states, experiencing so called less desirable facets of others makes them run for the hills.
Hoping that on such a hill, they can find more jovial, fun, thrilling people to entertain them briefly,
But once the people they see as toys no longer are of amusement, they put them in a black box and bring forth the locks, tossing the key in a faraway ocean.
Such childish people never truly cared for those present in their lives, they simply had a vague purpose to fulfill, knowing deep down that the only person they truly care, is themselves, being so enamored and in love with themselves, that they have no room to love others.
Others only being toys to keep the preoccupied in moments of boredom, in moments where they seek company, in moments where they feel in need of some gratification.
Daring to be close to someone, means seeing they are intrinsically worthy, loveable, perfect,
Even when they might cause irritations and inconveniences to your life.
To stick by them, work through challenges and disagreements, even when they become slightly heavy to bear.
To see their light, even when caught in despair and grieveances, to dig deeper, and try to offer support and understanding, even when they act unreasonable and confusing.
That is not taking someone for granted, that is appreciating their soul and the gift of their unique presence.
Knowing that feeling overlooked, ignored, underappreciated, forgotten and used, is enough to make someone ignore your calls. To not reply to the invitatjon when the user wants a quick laugh or fill the slot in a chair and to not only be a mere pawn to fill the space at a party.
Their presence made to feel unsignificant, unimportant, unless they only display emotions and behaviors the user enjoys.
Did the user ever move past the superficial, the surface levels, the initial impression, or did the user never want to in the first place.
Do not take those you love for granted, because the status of a user is not honorable nor something to be proud of. Free will rules, use it with tact and grace.

  The hopeless puppeteer

Having the desire that life should be like a pathetic puppet theater where those close to you act according to your whims and wishes, is a complete travesty.
The secret longing that those in your life should be mere spectators, encouraging your every move, giving applause for every mistake, to never be in opposition to how you imagine life should play out.
Those who wish to have the role as a puppetmaster,
Nudging the strings of those attached to his/her fingers, while overlooking with watchful and discriminatory eyes how the play unfolds. Carefully planning and orchestrating the moves of those around them to always result in instant gratification for the puppeteer.
Never allowing the creativity, free will, individuality and actions of those around him/her, to be an integral part of the equation.
Not seeing the beauty in surprises, not seeing the joy of the unexpected, not encouraging others to think and live in accordance with the beauty of their core, not trusting anyone to take charge and direction, not appreciating the opinions and values of others as special.
To the person with such a mindset, life is undoubtedly doomed to be boring, uneventful, predictable, straining and filled with nothing but the totally expected, because the unexpected is not allowed entrance into the personal sphere of said person.
The bubble is filled with restrictions, not allowing any room for change and growth, having resorted to building a weak fort, fiercely guarding against anything that might come as a challenge or call for spontaneity.
Being so callous and rigid in his/hers approach to life, that a single form of rebellion and freedom in others, is enough to break the seemingly strong branches attached to the tree. Where the unexpected actions and words of those close, throws the puppeteer into a raging toddler demanding that the puppets be arranged as he wishes.
That the puppets should wear the clothes deemed appropriate to the toddler, that the puppets should sing the hymns and praises of devotion to his plans and desires, that the puppets should only be allowed to recite the poorly written scripts assigned to them, and to never leave the strings attached to his fingers, and go out on explorations and adventures on their own. To always remained chained to the small stage, never veering in another direction. A steel grip of desperation on reality, a sad howl of repressed entitlement.
The toddler not seeing that the puppets he believed he had dominion over, always were free, while he/she was enslaved to the ideal of a reality he could control.
Allow freedom, allow the creative spark in others, love and always be to the best of your own abilties to inspire kindness and joy.

  Authenticity liberates

Appreciating the people, moments, places, situations that allow your authentic self to shine through.
Where different aspects of your inner being, are allowd to have free expression,
Without constant modification, adjustements and restrictions.
The authentic self always longs to break free, the uninhibited and lively parts of ourself, that is allowed to be shown, felt and known by those you feel are recipients and welcoming to who you really are.
We often have to put on the behavior expected and required of us to fit in with certain people and groups. If that behavior is breached, and a crossing which resulted in inner aspects of yourself to appear that some might deem innapproriate, we quickly have to make an adjustement.
There are also those we allow some true aspects of ourself be known, while witholding others,
And that is fine as well. We cannot live out all parts of ourself in all moments and places,
And some find outlet at certain times, while others lay dormant, and remains unexpressed with certain people due to not sensing it to be the right person or time,
But there is still that part of yourself that feels unfulfilled perhaps. Although we should strive to be as authentic as possible, to let our natural instincts and words to reflect ourselves at most times, such is not always possible, however.
There are those we can find, surround ourselves with, where such adjustements are not necessary,
Where you can live as much as you like, love the way you truly love, dance the way you dance when alone, speak the words you seldom share, and let the true emotions that arise within be known.

Fnding those precious people, where the authenticity and the realness within you and them shine brightly and unhinged by the locks one normally places on the self.
Is worth more than all the diamonds and jewels in the world.
In the company and celebration of joy where the inner and outer self is always rejoicing,
Feeling like it has finally found a home it is truly comfortable in.
I believe it to be important to validate, appreciate and love any opportunity and person, that allows you such splendid freedom, those that see the full complicated spectrum of yourself, and wants to be an active participant in your life and you in theirs. Having seen the colors of your soul reflected in the water and finds it to be worthy of love and acceptance.
There are always varying degrees of how much we show, what we show, what we hide and conceal, and how we show it. To most, it is relatively dimmed, perhaps somewhat calculated and formulaic,
Although moments of realness can always take place, and it always does unintentionally,
That is important to recognize.
Being stuck with people and situations where the authentic self never truly comes to light,
Where one has to be tactful and deliberate, can be truly crippling in every way possible for the self.
To walk through life, never letting anyone see the feathers that a proud and colorful peacock might display. Always feeling the need to resteict the self, believing the feathers on its back to be a nuisance, shameful, and not worthy of an exhibit.
There are perhaps few we dare to show the deepest self, the most exuberant self, the saddest self, those we can show ourselves naked and bold to.
When they do appear, love life for giving you such a opportunity, love them. For such can be a rare occurence. Those unique allignments with others where one or more can be free, those rare places where a sense of total peace and bliss, permiates through every step.
Permission, surrender and flow, where your freedom to be authentic is not situational.

   Zealous determination

The vitality, passion, driv, vigor and lust for life.
To be ready, wake up in the morning, feeling energized enough to start the day, to keep the flow of good going. Being in shape, fit, happy, sound and content, to do the things necessary to exist and live.
When having fun, that is enough reward in itself, because joy spread is contagious, it inspires, elevates and gives life to those you encounter.

So make sure, something may pop up unexpectedly, and if you are stuck on feeling low on energies, low on spirits, you will probably decline because of your own state of body and mind. A chanche to share something together lost, because of not being prepared for life and making the right preparations and activities and work.
You miss out, when never feeling ready, the body not being fit enough to give you an extra boost to go out there, the mind not being healthy enough to recieve joy and share joy.

The descent to laziness, complacency, just plain meh and whatever, is never too far off. Do not be restricted by age, presumptions, ideals and concrete thoughts to hinder yourself from anything. Those are mental blocks, and at the end of the day, the bring no good and only serve to limit your own and others life experience. Live, do not think living is only granted to some that fit certain criteria, and life is denied to those who do not match those exactly. Life is right in front of you, and it is there to be experienced by all, the limitations and heavy chains can only exist if you allow them to. Life might call you, ring your phone, send you an invitation, will you respond or deny because of your own inaptitude to strive and believe in miracles. Be ready.

You have seen those without drive for tomorrow, the next week, and the vibes they give, pray and wish them the best, because a part of them has given up on thinking they are capable of living a full and active life, and shutting themselves out from blissful intercourses and the actions and measures necessary to have them.
The may have lost the lust for life, the inner zeal that compels them to take action. Isolating themselves from others, afraid of what might happen, how others will respond and bow they will feel. 
Such isloation is never healthy, and being afraid of life and the natural wheel that keeps on spinning with or without you, is a real shame.
Imagine being put in solitary confinement for 5 years, without interactions of any meaning and growth, just a stale existence of confinement. Outside of this cell, life is happening, people are experincing all kinds of different sensations being born. Imagine being set free, and listening to stories you were never a part of, seeing change and growth in others, but not yourself. 

Being enamored with others, life and what it has to offer, is always a good thing. Just think of the great vibes that comes from throwing a party, the host creates a stream and intent, and is sure to be invited to other parties afterwards. Because his hospility allowed others and himself to laugh and enjoy. Being happy, is not something one must strive for, it is already there, and once we make that choice, instead of leaving ourselves in a crippling mood, the flow will resume, and the cauldron is wide open. Only you yourself know what those wishes and needs are, allow them to be, and treat yourself and others nice and with equal respect in the process. 

  Application of all 49 senses

Being in the presence of what feels real. The things and people standing right in front of you, feeling with all 49 senses, being in the moment you are lucky enough to experience.
Showing gratitude for the true experiences, the true meetings of souls in the great river.
The realness you are partaking in, the sensations that arise when being in the presence of another.

Not a still image behind a screen, not a pre-recorded video hiding between millions of pixels, not the celebrity that might appeal to you, not the people behind a myriad of invisible walls. When all the walls break, nothing in between, no distance too great, no hurdles too large.
Having climbed the mountain, and sharing the view while holding hands.

Not Being trapped in a world of smokey mirrors, illusions created before you, trying to masquerade themselves as valid, better and more significant than what is living, breathing, speaking, touching and feeling. The living is the significant, the moments shared between the living. In this computerized world, it can be easy to loose track, to have your gaze stolen, attention and time, by something that doesnt feel and live, an innanimate object devoid of a soul created by a factory. The pixels, the people projected unto them, will not come alive ready to be touched and felt by you.

Life in its true form, exhilerated, blossoming, with their wings spread ready to live, to walk the miles, and share the moments and create the vivid memories. That is life.

   Affirmative Actions

Going for affirmative action when your mind, body and soul are in unison. Prompting you to do what you have subconsiously and consciously arranged as the next step of deliberate action.
The mind and body works even when not avare, arranging and discerning what is the next step to take, the upcoming moment that now requires your attention, time and focus.
To ponder upon excessively, doubt and consider other options when your attention is brought to what  you now have the opportunity, time and opening to do, is like lamenting your own will and abilities to know what is good for yourself.
When stuck considering other possibilities too often, what remains is an inconclusive drive of momentum that halts itself from becoming realized.
A feeling of yourself never being at the right place, the right moment, the right time, and still waiting for that illusory perfect time that unbeknownst to yourself, is right now, or when you had originally intended to.
Convincing yourself that tomorrow is a better fit to begin the project, innitiate the workload, go for a walk, take a jog, when the moment was already there and quite obviously so. Repressing the needs of your own consciense, saying no to what the mind and body is telling you to do, after a while, the mind and body will stop asking, and begging and pleading has taken the simple request place.
The inner committe of gentle persuasion, has now been cast aside and an angry military personell steps in. Thus resulting in  confusion and frustration, that could have easily been avoided in the first place.
The snowball of few tasks and necessesities suddenly turned into a meteor ready to crashland, with scientists and astronomers desperately trying to find a coherent solution.
It is wise to Conduct yourself in a calm and steady approach, knowing that there will always be beautiful limitations of how much can be done, within the span of a day.
So take the first step on the clear pathway in the woods, know that the terrain has already been mapped out, without rushing into the forest whenever a squirrel wags it tail at you.
The destinatuon is there, but once in the woods with wild terrain, you might not find your way back.
When your mind, body and soul says it is time dor fun, leisure, relaxation, working, a serious mood, going out, whstever it may be, listen to the sensations being sparked and do not doubt the impulse and mood you desire. This is also an integral part of taking proper care of oneself.
You know your own pace, capabilties and how it is a part of you best yourself, so respect that you do things on your own time, but do not block time and action for operating together harmoniously.

  Seeing the individuals you love 

Try your best to see other people,
Not to blur out their facial features, hollow sockets with eyes missing, lips that bear no distinction, nose with no character, hair with no shape, smile with no light, hands with no fingers. Do not see anonimity with others, see that all have something inhetently theirs, belonging only to them, millions of exlusive aspects that make them who they are.
See the eyes, try to see the story they hide, the light they enemate, the individuality they exude.
See the entire body, all of its components, and know that it has always been and will always be one of a kind, no two exact replicas of the same person will ever exists.
Listen to the words they speak, do not glance past what their hearts decide to share.
Some people we will not get close to, most will pass us by, slumbering in the depths of forgetfullnes until we might see them again. Just casually pass us by in the blink of an eye, without noticing anything remarkable about them. Getting to know them, see them, experience moments with them.
Even though you might see a stranger and nothing more, they still carry depths of experience and life lived, although different from yours.
Most will never get to show you the unique flame of life burning within, only a faint glimmer as you rush by. As it is supposed to be, you cannot get to know all the flames on a personal level.

The problem specifically rears its head, when you refuse to see those close to you, when you cant remember the colour of their eyes, cant describe the shape of their lips, cant remember the words they have spoken, unable to recognize and appreciate their actions and efforts.
Amost as if the people you surround yourself with, are hollow beings with no distinction, because you never took the effort to see them, and therefore, hollow beings with no soul is all you can remember them as. As therefore, in your own mind, nothing to love, be enamored with, nothing that sparks your interest, nothing that stands out, empty vessels much like machines just like everything else you see.
When the eyes are only turned inwards, and ones own wishes, desires, happines, contentment is the only thing considered, and others are empty machines to cultivate those needs.
You no doubt live an empty life, a lonely life, where the only person you see and think about, is yourself. Living as if the umiverse only had one soul wandering the earth, and others simply being a vague extension of yourself you can never really hold and get close with. That the moments shared, feels as if being a monologue with puppets as an audience.
You will never experience the beauty and grance of another person, if you only see a dew details.
Like listening to a song with muffled sound and never getting a grasp of the lyrics, Like only seeing the left bottom corner of a painting, Like only seeing the first 2 minutes of a movie.
Do not only see your own emotions and thoughts in others, see theirs.
Allow your own truth, core being be known, and allow the core of others to be known.
Allow whatever emotions and impressions that arise within you upon contact with another to flourish, to grow, to blossom, and share. Still, also recognize the person for who they are, and see the impact and effect you have on them, and vice versa.
Of course, who we chose to see fully, who we can see fully, and who allows us to see them fully, is not unlimited. Remember to also allow them to see you. The dance is in full motion.